My primary debt is to the children who were (and continue to be) my teachers: Tuhin, Josh, Jesse, Lucy, Sarah, and my nephews. I thank you, with much love and respect. Second, I thank the many clients who, over so many years, have engaged me in searching conversations about how to be the best possible parents. Your experimentation with the principles I present in this book have both confirmed and deepened my understanding of positive parenting, and my faith that it is possible.

All the theory on which this book is based derives from a creative and visionary group called Radical Psychiatry. Beginning in the early 1970’s, we worked as “lay therapists” to invent an approach to psychology grounded in social theory rather than assumptions of pathology prevailing at the time and re-emerging today. We saw people as oppressed, not sick. We believed distressed souls needed the support of communities, not medical intervention. For many years, I joined with colleagues to design and deliver services based on these premises. Because relationship building was so central to our vision, and because we saw conflict as so often destructive rather than creative, we developed means to resolve conflict constructively. What we learned in the course of the mediation work we did informs this book in detail. My thanks especially to Becky Jenkins and Claude Steiner.

Finally, my own mother’s sensibility is laced through this text. Her support at critical moments when my needs conflicted with institutional demands, her intervention when I did unusual things that called down upon me condemnation from our shared community, in short, her belief in my capacity to be who I am: in all these ways she parented the child I was, not the child I was supposed to be. These gifts are the foundation for this book. Right along with her support is that of my partner, Mariah Breeding, who cheers me on every step of the way. Thanks to you both.